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向死而舞：一群华裔女性的生命之书
一名在北京大院长大的青年导演，一群在唐人街的至暗年代里也要舞出自己的华裔舞者们，在旧金山相遇了。接着，导演杨圆圆用六年的时间，以影像记录下她们向死而生的舞。
六年间，这部跨越代际的女性生命之书里，疫情、死亡、孕育新生、癌症，如列车般飞驰而过。
不变的是，舞从未停过。
The Chinese American Women Who Dance On, Toward Death and Life
A young director raised inside one of Beijing's walled compounds met a group of Chinese American burlesque dancers who danced on through the changing fortunes of San Francisco’s Chinatown for decades. What followed was six years of filming and exchange, as director Yang Yuanyuan turned her camera toward their dancing.
When pandemics, deaths, births sped through their lives like a train that wouldn’t slow, what never stopped, through all of it, was the dance.
六年间，这部跨越代际的女性生命之书里，疫情、死亡、孕育新生、癌症，如列车般飞驰而过。
不变的是，舞从未停过。
The Chinese American Women Who Dance On, Toward Death and Life
A young director raised inside one of Beijing's walled compounds met a group of Chinese American burlesque dancers who danced on through the changing fortunes of San Francisco’s Chinatown for decades. What followed was six years of filming and exchange, as director Yang Yuanyuan turned her camera toward their dancing.
When pandemics, deaths, births sped through their lives like a train that wouldn’t slow, what never stopped, through all of it, was the dance.
Bitter Pills: Trans Women Face Shrinking Access to Hormones
Yuyu’s high school years passed smoothly until her graduation, when students were finally allowed to cast their dull uniforms aside. She remembers tears welling in her eyes at the sight of other girls rehearsing for a dance performance in their vibrant sundresses. She then glanced at her own reflection in the mirror, only to see a boy in a somber, dark suit. Her appearance appalled her. “To this day,” she says, “I feel so ashamed for burying the real me.”
“It costs tens of thousands of yuan to have the surgery and maintain a feminine body,” says Yuyu. “But I have forever lost the chance to spend my golden youth as a beautiful girl.”
“It costs tens of thousands of yuan to have the surgery and maintain a feminine body,” says Yuyu. “But I have forever lost the chance to spend my golden youth as a beautiful girl.”
放下听觉中心，聋人舞者用身体重塑对话｜青年志
“听人好奇问我，你听不见声音怎么跳？我说，用心跳下去。身体感觉，就是通过身体的运动和肌肉的记忆来感受节奏。”
这是一个在听觉中心的世界里，用身体书写音乐的故事。
对于许多聋人来说，音乐首先进入的，是眼睛，其次是震动等感官。戴助听器的人、不戴的人，有残余听力的人，以及听觉是一片空白的人等等，感受到的音乐层次各不相同。具体而言，震动通过地板传播的速度依赖于材料的密度和弹性，而胸腔对震动的感知来源于低频声波（通常低于100Hz），两者存在几十毫秒的时间差。而体腔共振的感知与神经系统信号处理相比，也稍有延迟。震动通过触觉传递到皮肤或骨骼的路径，通常比声音通过空气传播的路径更短。
同时，震动并非万能。当一个人移动、跳跃，或者当地面是坚硬的混凝土，震感便更难被察觉。因此，许多舞者在排练前会把谱子背下来。反复听上几百遍后，大脑会在前额叶皮层和运动皮层，将旋律和节奏转化为记忆，不再依赖于实时听觉。表演时，肌肉记忆和内在节奏感主导着舞蹈。大脑的可塑性将听觉记忆扩展为多感官的体验，音乐则内化为可重复的动作模式，舞者便能深刻再现并演绎乐曲。
这是一个在听觉中心的世界里，用身体书写音乐的故事。
对于许多聋人来说，音乐首先进入的，是眼睛，其次是震动等感官。戴助听器的人、不戴的人，有残余听力的人，以及听觉是一片空白的人等等，感受到的音乐层次各不相同。具体而言，震动通过地板传播的速度依赖于材料的密度和弹性，而胸腔对震动的感知来源于低频声波（通常低于100Hz），两者存在几十毫秒的时间差。而体腔共振的感知与神经系统信号处理相比，也稍有延迟。震动通过触觉传递到皮肤或骨骼的路径，通常比声音通过空气传播的路径更短。
同时，震动并非万能。当一个人移动、跳跃，或者当地面是坚硬的混凝土，震感便更难被察觉。因此，许多舞者在排练前会把谱子背下来。反复听上几百遍后，大脑会在前额叶皮层和运动皮层，将旋律和节奏转化为记忆，不再依赖于实时听觉。表演时，肌肉记忆和内在节奏感主导着舞蹈。大脑的可塑性将听觉记忆扩展为多感官的体验，音乐则内化为可重复的动作模式，舞者便能深刻再现并演绎乐曲。
重新审视《这个杀手不太冷》：救赎之下，被性化的创伤少女
《这个杀手不太冷》的背面，是吕克·贝松和他曾有过的16岁妻子。13岁时，娜塔莉·波特曼收到的第一封影迷来信，是对她的性侵幻想。
Léon, Reconsidered: The Girlhood Lost in a Redemption Fantasy
Behind Léon: The Professional lies another, far more troubling story: that of Luc Besson and the sixteen-year-old girl he later married. At thirteen, the very first fan letter Natalie Portman received was a rape fantasy.
I, too, once sought the strange comfort of stories in which a wounded girl was always waiting to be rescued. A literary fortress built from male fantasy. By then, I could not yet name my own wounds. I could not yet make sense of why, when the warmth of family felt out of reach and my peers offered little refuge, the attention of an older man felt like the rarest form of understanding, resembling a kind of home. I only knew that I could surrender the weight of being myself and make myself a vessel for someone else’s fantasy. In a girlhood that seemed to reek of decay, those impossible romances appeared almost luminous – small, impossible shelters built against an unbearable world.
Léon, Reconsidered: The Girlhood Lost in a Redemption Fantasy
Behind Léon: The Professional lies another, far more troubling story: that of Luc Besson and the sixteen-year-old girl he later married. At thirteen, the very first fan letter Natalie Portman received was a rape fantasy.
I, too, once sought the strange comfort of stories in which a wounded girl was always waiting to be rescued. A literary fortress built from male fantasy. By then, I could not yet name my own wounds. I could not yet make sense of why, when the warmth of family felt out of reach and my peers offered little refuge, the attention of an older man felt like the rarest form of understanding, resembling a kind of home. I only knew that I could surrender the weight of being myself and make myself a vessel for someone else’s fantasy. In a girlhood that seemed to reek of decay, those impossible romances appeared almost luminous – small, impossible shelters built against an unbearable world.
东亚女性影展：让影展成为“家庭派对”，让女性影像聚成群岛
女性影展是一步步摘去霸权的实践，至于剩下的是什么，则可以是流动的、不被定义的。比起女性作为一面旗帜，更困难的，是去回应一整个产销机制。
在多地开花的“东亚女性影展”里，策展团队With Her Camera要为边缘提供一个安全空间。它意味着从影像生产、影展筹备到在场空间的具身实践。它要是亲密的、可以直接对话的。最好导演们可以成为朋友，最好策展人和观众们也是。
East Asia Women's Film Festival: A Cinematic Archipelago, a Found Family
A women’s film festival is an act of slowly peeling away the patriarchy taken for granted, so that what remains can stay fluid, undefined. Harder than holding up a feminist banner is responding to an entire system of film production and distribution.
Across the many cities where the East Asia Women's Film Festival has taken root, the curatorial team With Her Camera sought to create a safe space for lived experiences captured in images that are placed at the margins. It means practicing care – from image-making and festival organizing to curating itself. To open a dialogue. Ideally, directors become friends with one another; ideally, curators and audiences do too.
在多地开花的“东亚女性影展”里，策展团队With Her Camera要为边缘提供一个安全空间。它意味着从影像生产、影展筹备到在场空间的具身实践。它要是亲密的、可以直接对话的。最好导演们可以成为朋友，最好策展人和观众们也是。
East Asia Women's Film Festival: A Cinematic Archipelago, a Found Family
A women’s film festival is an act of slowly peeling away the patriarchy taken for granted, so that what remains can stay fluid, undefined. Harder than holding up a feminist banner is responding to an entire system of film production and distribution.
Across the many cities where the East Asia Women's Film Festival has taken root, the curatorial team With Her Camera sought to create a safe space for lived experiences captured in images that are placed at the margins. It means practicing care – from image-making and festival organizing to curating itself. To open a dialogue. Ideally, directors become friends with one another; ideally, curators and audiences do too.
在东南亚，反问西方噪音美学
一些声音之所以能被听见，是因为身体预留了通道，大脑将声波与记忆、情绪及社会经验交织，主动建构出意义。“听见”是内在经验对外部声景的深刻回应。当编码和换算在场，“聆听”本身就是一种政治性的选择。而那些无法被既有体系纳入的声音，其生成逻辑正如何给予我们打开听觉可能性的机会？这些声音邀请我们觉察听觉意义的结构，长出新的耳朵。我们正在共同构成“聆听”这个事件的边界、权限和可能性。
In Southeast Asia, Reimagining Noise Against Western Noise Aesthetics
Certain sounds become audible because the body has already opened a passage for them. The brain weaves sound waves together with memory, emotion, and social experience, actively creating meaning in the process.
“Hearing” is not merely the reception of an external soundscape; it is an intimate response from within. With encoding and translation always entering the scene, “listening” is always, by its very nature, a conscious political choice.
And those sounds that refuse to be accommodated by existing systems – what might their very ways of coming into being reveal about the possibilities of hearing?
These sounds ask us to recognize the structures through which auditory meaning is produced – and to grow new ears.
Together, we are shaping the boundaries, permissions, and possibilities of this event we call “listening.”
In Southeast Asia, Reimagining Noise Against Western Noise Aesthetics
Certain sounds become audible because the body has already opened a passage for them. The brain weaves sound waves together with memory, emotion, and social experience, actively creating meaning in the process.
“Hearing” is not merely the reception of an external soundscape; it is an intimate response from within. With encoding and translation always entering the scene, “listening” is always, by its very nature, a conscious political choice.
And those sounds that refuse to be accommodated by existing systems – what might their very ways of coming into being reveal about the possibilities of hearing?
These sounds ask us to recognize the structures through which auditory meaning is produced – and to grow new ears.
Together, we are shaping the boundaries, permissions, and possibilities of this event we call “listening.”
女同性戀與女同性恨之間的父權幽靈
「就好像⋯⋯一種新的語言在體內出生。」我想了想，和她說，「要對很多事物重新命名的、新的語言。」
新的語言是更不恆溫的動物。禾安肌膚的冷與熱都有點不一樣，於是我才知道，女性四肢末端的體表溫度比男性略低一些，但身體深處的溫度卻可能是更高的。它來自於黃體素，隨著月經週期，在我們之間輕輕波動。
小小的出租屋裡，一天一天，新的語言在我體內長大。它先是成為看著夕陽時，腦海裡突然浮現的、和女性共度一生的畫面。我討厭養孩子，但當話從禾安嘴裡被問出來，沒有那一層父權的牆，新的語言就變成遊樂場，讓想像力滑滑梯。在這個崩壞的世界，領養一個孩子聽上去仍然有點糟，但一下子又有些不同。這個不同我暫時不知做何反應，但想像是無害的，甚至帶來一種罪惡感的愉悅。想像時間會像蚊子將我們的經血先後回收，乳房先後吸乾。想像我們的身體被時間暴曬，變皺巴巴，時間壓彎我們。
The Patriarchal Ghost: Lesbian Love, Lesbophobia, and the Quest for “Purity”
“It is as if... a new language were being born inside of me.” I thought for a while before telling her.
The new language was a less warm-blooded animal. Her skin carried warmth and cold slightly differently from mine – that was how I learned that the surface temperature of women’s extremities tended to be slightly lower than men’s, while the temperature deep within the body might be higher. It came from progesterone, rising and falling gently between us with the rhythm of the menstrual cycle.
Inside that small, rented room, day after day, the new language grew within me. At first, a scene of spending a lifetime with her appeared suddenly while I watched the sunset. I hated raising children. But when the question came from her, without that wall of patriarchy, the new language became a playground, where imagination could climb and glide down the slide.
In this collapsing world, adopting a child still sounded a little terrible, yet somehow also different. I did not know what to do with that difference; imagination itself was harmless, even bringing a strange pleasure tinged with guilt.
I imagined time, like a mosquito, slowly collecting our menstrual blood, slowly drying up our breasts, one after another. I imagined our bodies scorched and wrinkled by time. Time pressed down on us until we were bent.
新的語言是更不恆溫的動物。禾安肌膚的冷與熱都有點不一樣，於是我才知道，女性四肢末端的體表溫度比男性略低一些，但身體深處的溫度卻可能是更高的。它來自於黃體素，隨著月經週期，在我們之間輕輕波動。
小小的出租屋裡，一天一天，新的語言在我體內長大。它先是成為看著夕陽時，腦海裡突然浮現的、和女性共度一生的畫面。我討厭養孩子，但當話從禾安嘴裡被問出來，沒有那一層父權的牆，新的語言就變成遊樂場，讓想像力滑滑梯。在這個崩壞的世界，領養一個孩子聽上去仍然有點糟，但一下子又有些不同。這個不同我暫時不知做何反應，但想像是無害的，甚至帶來一種罪惡感的愉悅。想像時間會像蚊子將我們的經血先後回收，乳房先後吸乾。想像我們的身體被時間暴曬，變皺巴巴，時間壓彎我們。
The Patriarchal Ghost: Lesbian Love, Lesbophobia, and the Quest for “Purity”
“It is as if... a new language were being born inside of me.” I thought for a while before telling her.
The new language was a less warm-blooded animal. Her skin carried warmth and cold slightly differently from mine – that was how I learned that the surface temperature of women’s extremities tended to be slightly lower than men’s, while the temperature deep within the body might be higher. It came from progesterone, rising and falling gently between us with the rhythm of the menstrual cycle.
Inside that small, rented room, day after day, the new language grew within me. At first, a scene of spending a lifetime with her appeared suddenly while I watched the sunset. I hated raising children. But when the question came from her, without that wall of patriarchy, the new language became a playground, where imagination could climb and glide down the slide.
In this collapsing world, adopting a child still sounded a little terrible, yet somehow also different. I did not know what to do with that difference; imagination itself was harmless, even bringing a strange pleasure tinged with guilt.
I imagined time, like a mosquito, slowly collecting our menstrual blood, slowly drying up our breasts, one after another. I imagined our bodies scorched and wrinkled by time. Time pressed down on us until we were bent.
六十年前的印尼大屠殺，與一場當地婦女運動的消亡
「格瓦尼的領導人之一蘇拉米女士（Ibu Sulami）是一名了不起的女性。她是所有人中坐牢時間最長的，曾被監禁20年，遭受了慘無人道的酷刑。在我被禁止入境期間，她給我寫過一封信。她在信裡說：『得虧於此（研究），我們的歷史被保存了下來，有了不被羞辱與誹謗的尊嚴。妳對我們誠實公允，即便在批評中也是如此。這一切曾多麼艱難，而現在的我可以死去了。因為這些研究，我的生命有了一個金色的邊緣。』」
The Military, “Female Ghosts,” and Witch-Hunts: How Suharto’s Regime Destroyed Indonesia’s Largest Women’s Movement
Today, military influence in Indonesian politics is rising again, and communism remains a social taboo. For decades, the massacre has been understood primarily through the framework of Cold War geopolitics. But less known is how the massacre was catalyzed by a lie that demonized women.
After G30S (Gerakan 30 September), the military seized control of the media, claiming that on the night of the coup, members of Gerwani kidnapped six army generals and one lieutenant and subjected them to sexual torture – that they stripped naked, danced obscenely, sang peasant songs, cut off the generals’ genitals, and gouged out their eyes. After Suharto came to power, this narrative was turned into a film and forcibly screened in schools and other public venues. The PKI was portrayed as encouraging women to become unfaithful wives and unfit mothers, thereby betraying the state ideology of Pancasila and religious values. Communism became an ideology everyone feared, and Gerwani was banned outright.
"One of Gerwani's leaders, Ibu Sulami, was a remarkable woman. She spent twenty years in prison and endured inhumane torture. During the years when I was barred from entering Indonesia, she wrote me a letter. In it, she said: “Thanks to this research, our history has been preserved, and we have regained a dignity that cannot be stripped away by slander. It was all so difficult, but now I can die. Because of this research, my life has a golden edge."
The Military, “Female Ghosts,” and Witch-Hunts: How Suharto’s Regime Destroyed Indonesia’s Largest Women’s Movement
Today, military influence in Indonesian politics is rising again, and communism remains a social taboo. For decades, the massacre has been understood primarily through the framework of Cold War geopolitics. But less known is how the massacre was catalyzed by a lie that demonized women.
After G30S (Gerakan 30 September), the military seized control of the media, claiming that on the night of the coup, members of Gerwani kidnapped six army generals and one lieutenant and subjected them to sexual torture – that they stripped naked, danced obscenely, sang peasant songs, cut off the generals’ genitals, and gouged out their eyes. After Suharto came to power, this narrative was turned into a film and forcibly screened in schools and other public venues. The PKI was portrayed as encouraging women to become unfaithful wives and unfit mothers, thereby betraying the state ideology of Pancasila and religious values. Communism became an ideology everyone feared, and Gerwani was banned outright.
"One of Gerwani's leaders, Ibu Sulami, was a remarkable woman. She spent twenty years in prison and endured inhumane torture. During the years when I was barred from entering Indonesia, she wrote me a letter. In it, she said: “Thanks to this research, our history has been preserved, and we have regained a dignity that cannot be stripped away by slander. It was all so difficult, but now I can die. Because of this research, my life has a golden edge."
她的身障：情色热线、性日记与身体年轮
坐在轮椅上的她和我说，因为身障，她们被称作“折翼天使”。这一看似是光环的称谓，却将她们去性化 (desexualized)，囿于“永远的孩子”这一牢笼之中。她讲起成为性热线的接线生，如何在性日记里转化自我，轮椅上那些好似登月般艰难的拥抱，社会工作与田野调查。这些看似毫无关联的碎片，温柔地托起她，让她在性与爱的课题中，再一次拥抱身体和成为自己。
Mid-Autumn Festival Suicide Raises Questions of Elder Abuse
Son of accused abuser calls reports against his father ‘pure slander.’
撞进一个热带噪音孔
如果将印尼的殖民史看作一段「声音工程」，那么 19 世纪末，荷兰人在日惹引入第一条铁路，火车汽笛、蒸汽声首次在殖民者的城区响起，将城市一分为二：北部是新的机械喧嚣入侵，而南部的土著王室克拉通区，仍禁止机动车入内，鼓声、诗歌吟诵和马车声构成了另一种宁静的声景。日惹原有的听觉地图开始裂变。噪音制造了一种等级秩序，一种阶级分布。
⋯⋯
于是他们不带发电机，而是去「偷」电，先踩点勘查，找有插座的公共空间，再带着设备出现。没人管就一直演，有人来就跑。麻烦有两种，一种是管理人员，一种是黑帮。
⋯⋯
不下雨时，身体里也积蓄着雨。我的每一道缝隙流淌着汗，汗液让毛孔微张，我渐渐不再分得清，体内的雨是流进来的，还是要流出去。这样的热里，昏沉午睡后，我睁开眼，与床头的一只青蛙相遇、对视。接着，来到一个硬核朋克演出。雨又开始剧烈地下，我带着湿了又干不知多少遍的身体，狠狠撞进这个现场。
狠狠撞进打湿打滑的、被吉他和尖叫灼伤，而反复腾空的一团团肉体里，狠狠撞进日惹用力张开的、密密麻麻的毛孔中的一个，狠狠撞进下一个夜。
⋯⋯
于是他们不带发电机，而是去「偷」电，先踩点勘查，找有插座的公共空间，再带着设备出现。没人管就一直演，有人来就跑。麻烦有两种，一种是管理人员，一种是黑帮。
⋯⋯
不下雨时，身体里也积蓄着雨。我的每一道缝隙流淌着汗，汗液让毛孔微张，我渐渐不再分得清，体内的雨是流进来的，还是要流出去。这样的热里，昏沉午睡后，我睁开眼，与床头的一只青蛙相遇、对视。接着，来到一个硬核朋克演出。雨又开始剧烈地下，我带着湿了又干不知多少遍的身体，狠狠撞进这个现场。
狠狠撞进打湿打滑的、被吉他和尖叫灼伤，而反复腾空的一团团肉体里，狠狠撞进日惹用力张开的、密密麻麻的毛孔中的一个，狠狠撞进下一个夜。
早熟的、千瘡百孔的、被物化的小女孩們
寫下這篇自述的決心是堅定的，但過程卻充滿艱難。我看見種種「未成年少女」與「創傷」的被符號化，我的存在成為了一種文學容器。
但即便如此，我仍然堅持完成它，是因為不願再看見更多的未成年少女與其創傷，被錯位地放逐到成年異性幻想的領地。我希望，真正住在女性生命體驗裏的文本，即使是帶著疼痛、疑問和霧氣，也可以成為一種反問。我仍然想要將真實的世界還給自己，在裏面建立真正的誠實與勇敢。並且也希望，如果可以，即使再痛，將它還給小女孩們。
但即便如此，我仍然堅持完成它，是因為不願再看見更多的未成年少女與其創傷，被錯位地放逐到成年異性幻想的領地。我希望，真正住在女性生命體驗裏的文本，即使是帶著疼痛、疑問和霧氣，也可以成為一種反問。我仍然想要將真實的世界還給自己，在裏面建立真正的誠實與勇敢。並且也希望，如果可以，即使再痛，將它還給小女孩們。
寫給Pussy，一封情書
我想起他看向我的眼睛是布滿道歉的獵，混雜着最痛苦的、不堪的、滾燙的、一片狼藉的渴，把我一整個燒起來，燒成一個關於「噁心」的共謀。看見那樣的道歉，我馬上知道他通往家的路也是邊走邊塌陷，邊逃離邊靠近，白茫茫一片的天在下嘔吐物。我想和他在這樣的嘔吐物裏交媾，直到長出發爛的果實，軟塌塌地腐敗在熱夏。
我想，進入ta人和向自己下潛，是同一件事。那天，28歲的我才終於聽明白，我的情慾真正想要說的是，去緊緊擁抱、親吻、撕咬那語言和身體之間的鬼——總奪過我的筆、扼住我的喉的羞恥吧。把它吞進去，再吐出來。然後無盡地重複，給它徹底的、毫不遮掩的允許吧。凌晨一點我開始寫作，聽見生命之火，因你的不完美而燃燒，因我的不完美而燃燒，因我們的「罪孽深重」而用力燃燒。
我想，進入ta人和向自己下潛，是同一件事。那天，28歲的我才終於聽明白，我的情慾真正想要說的是，去緊緊擁抱、親吻、撕咬那語言和身體之間的鬼——總奪過我的筆、扼住我的喉的羞恥吧。把它吞進去，再吐出來。然後無盡地重複，給它徹底的、毫不遮掩的允許吧。凌晨一點我開始寫作，聽見生命之火，因你的不完美而燃燒，因我的不完美而燃燒，因我們的「罪孽深重」而用力燃燒。
COVID-19 has been devastating for sex workers across Asia-Pacific. Here’s Why.
Never before has inequality been more apparent than during the COVID-19 pandemic. Some “essential” must continue working in high-risk situations, while remote professionals can do their jobs safely at home.
Many have been buoyed by government assistance, but too many have been furloughed or unemployed, left on their own to navigate imploding economies on dwindling savings. Amongst the most vulnerable groups are sex workers.
Many have been buoyed by government assistance, but too many have been furloughed or unemployed, left on their own to navigate imploding economies on dwindling savings. Amongst the most vulnerable groups are sex workers.
我，素食者，食物的秘密情人
这不是一篇关于吃素的伦理声明，而是一个关于偷吃的故事。
我曾是一名素食者，直到我的肠胃出了些问题。肉在我的脏器里消失了近三年，肉又开始出现。
起初，我不可避免地愧疚感深重。愧疚让一些由肉产生的感官变大。再次吃肉的第一天，我先是感到麻木，抽离了身体，再是恶心得难以下咽。餐桌变成了审讯室，空气中漂浮着上百只动物的眼睛，随着肉钻入我的食管，在那里眨动着。
于是，那一天，我偷偷地吃肉，一如我曾因为无法解释我的动机，而偷偷地吃素。对于吃，我总有一种名不正言不顺的感觉。渐渐地我开始想，我究竟为何而偷呢？而这诡异的、对食物的失权感又是从何而来的？
我曾是一名素食者，直到我的肠胃出了些问题。肉在我的脏器里消失了近三年，肉又开始出现。
起初，我不可避免地愧疚感深重。愧疚让一些由肉产生的感官变大。再次吃肉的第一天，我先是感到麻木，抽离了身体，再是恶心得难以下咽。餐桌变成了审讯室，空气中漂浮着上百只动物的眼睛，随着肉钻入我的食管，在那里眨动着。
于是，那一天，我偷偷地吃肉，一如我曾因为无法解释我的动机，而偷偷地吃素。对于吃，我总有一种名不正言不顺的感觉。渐渐地我开始想，我究竟为何而偷呢？而这诡异的、对食物的失权感又是从何而来的？
泛身心靈#MeToo：以瑜伽按摩為名的隱密侵害，是如何發生的？
昕昕從未想到，自己的經歷會成為女孩們勇敢發聲的契機。她的視頻在網路上被廣泛轉發後，許多人才意識到自己的創傷需要被看見。
Chinese translation: A letter to my parents about depression and mental illness
Written by Frank Shyong, a former columnist for the Los Angeles Times who wrote about diversity and diaspora in Los Angeles. Translation by Ziyu Yang in The Times’ Beijing bureau.
“我的抑郁症并不是性感或有市场价值的那一类。对我而言，哪怕只是把它写下来，哪怕仅仅是承认它的存在，都已经太过痛苦和具有毁灭性。可它却无时不刻地昭示着自己的存在——在破碎与被侵蚀的友情中，在摔裂的苹果手机和因此而凹陷的办公桌上；它以 7-11 炸玉米薄饼包装盒和烟蒂的形式，逐渐铺满了我车座下的地板。”他说。
“我的抑郁症并不是性感或有市场价值的那一类。对我而言，哪怕只是把它写下来，哪怕仅仅是承认它的存在，都已经太过痛苦和具有毁灭性。可它却无时不刻地昭示着自己的存在——在破碎与被侵蚀的友情中，在摔裂的苹果手机和因此而凹陷的办公桌上；它以 7-11 炸玉米薄饼包装盒和烟蒂的形式，逐渐铺满了我车座下的地板。”他说。
在接触即兴里，找到“另一种爱”
接触即兴，是一种在日本合气道、东方禅学、体操和太极等影响下，产生的舞蹈形式，被称之为“通过身体接触进行的流动对话”。
看着眼前的场景，我不知所措地杵在人潮里，接着一圈复一圈地走着。突然一双好奇的眼睛看向了我，我们对视了。他向我走来，我有点不知所措：“我是第一次参加，也不会跳舞……”对方没有说话，只是微笑着向我伸出了手。我咬咬牙，鼓起勇气接受了这份邀约，把手交给他，我们的掌心碰在了一起。
他的手宽大，指腹有一层薄薄的茧，与我的轻轻摩挲，下一秒轻柔而有力道地划过了我的手臂。
接着，我的身体下意识地紧张了起来。感受到我的戒备之后，他的手停了下来，眼神里带着耐心与包容地望着我，他似乎接纳了我所有的戒备。
但这份来自生人的接纳是如此陌生。第一次的接触即兴结束之后，我带着满腹的困惑回家了。
看着眼前的场景，我不知所措地杵在人潮里，接着一圈复一圈地走着。突然一双好奇的眼睛看向了我，我们对视了。他向我走来，我有点不知所措：“我是第一次参加，也不会跳舞……”对方没有说话，只是微笑着向我伸出了手。我咬咬牙，鼓起勇气接受了这份邀约，把手交给他，我们的掌心碰在了一起。
他的手宽大，指腹有一层薄薄的茧，与我的轻轻摩挲，下一秒轻柔而有力道地划过了我的手臂。
接着，我的身体下意识地紧张了起来。感受到我的戒备之后，他的手停了下来，眼神里带着耐心与包容地望着我，他似乎接纳了我所有的戒备。
但这份来自生人的接纳是如此陌生。第一次的接触即兴结束之后，我带着满腹的困惑回家了。
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